Me and my emotions...LOL

I am home today with a sick child. She has the bad cold I had with a very bad ear ache and some vomiting. We spent 2.5 hrs in urgent care last night and were up most up the night becasue her ear was hurting so bad. ahhhh the perks of paretning. So my HP totally did for me what I could not do for myself. I am taking a history class and had my first writing assignement. It truly was crap...but I had been sick and needed to get somehting posted. the teacher was great and suggested I re do a coupel of parts so I could get a better grade. She even suggested I do a power point presentation instead. I have never ever done one of those....I really am scared of htings I dont know....anyway...I had emailed her back and told her I would do it when I got home. Well at lunch I had an overwelming desire to hurry up and do it and get iot posted. So I did. Still nto the best but I am hoping better then the paper. I had no idea I would not have a chance to turn o nthe computer last night when I got home from work. My daughter called my crying ebcaseu her ear was hurting so bad, I made a doctors appt for 4:40. I left owrk at 3 came home and got her and headed to Escondido. Traffic was so bad it took an hour to get there I had to cancel her appt and we ended up in urgent care.... then had to get her presecription and get somethign to eat....we didnt get home until 8:30... she then proceeded to wake up every couple of hours it was a along ngiht but she jsut wanted to be help and lvoed so not so bad.

So I am home today...loving her and holding her when she is awake. However I have a lot of emotions today....guilt for staying home from work and anger because I took a couple of mental days when my depression was bad and now I am short on sick time and will have to use vacation time. Scared because I am hoping I am not falling back into my patterns from 3 years ago....the pattern of giving up on life and calling in all of the time because of the depression. I know today I am home because of my daughter and because she needs to be nurtured and loved right now and as her mother that is my job. So I know it is a good thing for me to stay home today. Frustrated because I am just getting over my cold and had been working 6 hr days. Oh and I am defensive because I have a Friend at work who will comment when I get back to work and I am waiting for my boss to say something as my work really is suffering from all my mental confusion.

So that is where I am. Hopefully being honest and writing it all down will help me...only time will tell and God knows.

Let me just add one last thinig....My daugther has jsut turned 11....this is the first time she has been very vocal about being sick...she is crabby and a bit witchy and it makes me laugh....she gets so mad at me for laughing. I think I laugh becuase I know she is growing up and it hurts my heart becuase my baby...isnt my baby anymore. I love being her mom even when its so hard sometimes to be a single working mom at the end of it all she is AMAZING!