I want to get in the habit of blogging. I want this to be a way for me to disappear...be open and honest with myself...not hide who I really am. I am also trying to find a way to help fight my insomnia. I was taking a college class and would stay up to do my homework when I could not sleep. I had to put that on hold this semester...So I started the blog to help fill that void or a void in general...I think about my blog but then get too tired to boot up the computer. I end up starting at wall instead. I guess at least I am trying to help myself??? Sometimes I just do not know. Some times my lameness annoys even me. :o) I crack myself up a lot...at least I have laughter and let me tell you how great laughter is. It has gotten me through the darkest of times. Today I am tired and trying to love my daughter who is so wonderful but I just can not seem to let go of my anger and resentments...They seem to be carrying over and I am on a short fuse and annoy very easily with everyone. This is about the time when I start to isolate because I seem to have forgotten how to interact with other humans...I'm, good with my dog but that's about all. I called the hospital and my friend is in stable condition in the ICU...I was told this is a good thing by friends. I emailed her husband and he has not responded yet. I don't want to be too selfish and realize he is juggling a lot including their 4 girls. But I am now starting to have anxiety. I know in my heart she is fine but my head is telling me otherwise and if I could cry I am pretty sure I would be doing that right about now. I want peace, and serenity. I want to find contentment in the life I have. It really is a beautiful life I just need to be in it and accept it. I guess that is enough rambling for one night. Maybe just maybe I shall log on tomorrow….
My list of gratitude: God my daughter, Shaloe, Tina and Amanda, Mary and Marcia, Keri and soft blankets and a big bed
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